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CO-PARENTING

REPAIR RENEW REBUILD TO
MANAGE MAINTAIN & BE
MINDFUL

CRUCIAL 101

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  • REPAIR

    • THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN (STRESS), TRAUMA, RESENTMENT, HURT

    • POWERLESS INTO POWER= CHOICES, CONSTANCY, UN-CRISIS

  • RENEW

    • UN-COUPLE (PG 15 BONNELL)-UN-TANGLE, PARENT MIND

    • VALUES, BOUNDARIES, RITUALS

  • REBUILD

    • SAFETY, TRUST, CONNECTION, FAMILY FUN, BALANCE

    • THE NEEDS OF THE CHILDREN

Crucial 101

  • MANAGE

    • EMOTION, GRIEF, AND LOSS- EMOTIONAL COACH

    • CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION- BUSINESS DEAL

    • ROUTINES- CRUCIAL FOR THE CHILDS BRAIN

    • BOUNDARIES- BEING ASSERTIVE, NOT AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, AND PASSIVE

  • MAINTAIN

    • HEALING- SAFETY AND TRUST

    • CO-PARENTING ROLE- KEEP THE CHILD IN CHILD ROLE

    • FUTURE GOALS- BACKED BY VALUES (PICK ONE AND PURSUE IT DAILY)

  • MINDFUL- CHAPTER 15

    • BE PRESENT WITH THE 4 S’S

    • SAFE, SECURE, SEEN, SOOTH

    • EVALUATE THIS ON PAGE 31 (FLOWERS, COPARENTING)

MANAGEMENT TIPS TO CO-PARENT

  • BE A CEO, CFO, BUSINESS PARTNERS

  • REPORT SO OTHER PARENT DOES NOT HAVE TO ASK

  • WEEKLY HOT TOPIC MEETING

    • BED TIME, TV TIME, DISCIPLINE, RULES, SCHOOL, CHORES, DR.S, PHONE VISITS, LIMITS

  • BUILD RESILIENCE =BALANCE, CONNECTION, STABILITY, AND POWER

  • GOOGLE CALENDAR, 2HOUSES, OUR FAMILY WIZARD (APPS)

  • PARENTS ARE IN CHARGE OF RESIDENTIAL SCHEDULE

  • EDUCATE AND SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

  • TALKING ABOUT SEPARATING/DIVORCE -CHAPTER 2 (BONNELL, CO-PARENT HANDBOOK)

CO-PARENTING DAMAGE CONTROL

  • CHECK LIST FOR SPITEFUL MOTIVES

    • LACK OF BOUNDARIES

    • INSECURITY

    • REVENGE

    • GUILT OR SHAME DRIVEN BEHAVIOR

    • ANGER/HOSTILITY/RAGE

    • DENIAL

    • DISCONNECTION

    • PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

    • CORRUPTING REALITY

STEP-PARENTS/PARTNERS & STEP CHILDREN

  • YOUR CO-PARENT IS A KEY PLAYER HERE

  • LOW PROFILE IN EARLY STAGES

  • TIME TO ADJUST

  • SEEK BLENDED FAMILY THERAPY

  • CHAPTER 9 (BONNELL, CO-PARENT HANDBOOK)

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75% OF REMARRIES/RECOUPLING WITH CHILDREN WILL NOT LAST. BROKEN
EXPECTATION, CONFLICTS, AND CLASHES OF FAMILY HOPES ARE CRUSHED.

FAMILY STATS

  • 75% OF REMARRIES/RECOUPLING WITH CHILDREN WILL NOT LAST. BROKEN EXPECTATION, CONFLICTS, AND CLASHES OF FAMILY HOPES ARE CRUSHED.

  • 60 YEARS AGO, THE AVERAGE DINNERTIME WAS 90 MINUTES. TODAY IT IS LESS THAN 12 MINUTES.

  • ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL CENTER ON ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, KIDS AND TEENS WHO SHARE FAMILY DINNERS THREE OR MORE TIMES PER WEEK:

    • ARE LESS LIKELY TO BE OVERWEIGHT

    • ARE MORE LIKELY TO EAT HEALTHY FOOD

    • PERFORM BETTER ACADEMICALLY

    • ARE LESS LIKELY TO ENGAGE IN RISKY BEHAVIORS (DRUGS, ALCOHOL, SEXUAL ACTIVITY)

    • HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS

  • TEENS HAVING FREQUENT FAMILY DINNERS ARE MORE LIKELY TO REPORT HAVING EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR FAMILY.

    • ONE-AND-A-HALF TIMES MORE LIKELY TO HAVE AN EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR MOTHER.

    • TWICE AS LIKELY TO HAVE AN EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIP WITH FATHER.

    • TWICE AS LIKELY TO HAVE AN EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIP WITH SIBLING(S).

  • TEENS SURVEYED STATE THEY LIKE FAMILY MEALTIMES.

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